


Broken Apart

by KingJosieFrost



Series: Unworthy [2]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Pon Farr, Slow Build, T'hy'la, bond
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-18
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2017-12-29 19:41:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1009282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingJosieFrost/pseuds/KingJosieFrost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a shocking ending to the battle with Nero, Jim is left alone and afraid. His crew is dispersed, his best friends think he's gone insane and his First Officer is suddenly a stranger. Will he be able to convince everyone of the truth, or will he drown just when Spock needs him most?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning of an Ending

**Author's Note:**

> So I don't know anything about starships so please don't ask me anything about the events in the chapter. This is a continuation of Unworthy, which is the first in the series, and you need to read that to understand this one.  
> If Spock is a little OOC, than you can blame it on the fact that his planet was just destroyed and his momma died. Also, he has a new bond. I hope you enjoy the story and stick with me for the rest of it. Feedback would be awesome. Thanks for the good feedback on Unworthy!

Spock holds on tight while the crew works reverently trying to find a way out of the explosion Nero’s ship caused. A thousand calculations flash before his eyes as he stares across the bridge at Jim. At the man he now sees as not just the broken t’hy’la he can never have, but also his Captain he will gladly serve under.

It was tedious, the past couple of days, slipping into a rhythm as the world propelled around them with a crazed, grief-stricken romulan leading the tornado. After an awkward conversation with his father, which revealed that his beloved mother have been his father’s t’hy’la, and a round of verbal threats from Doctor McCoy, the ship had been running at a breakneck speed trying to save the world.

His father had been understanding when he told him that the man who had accused Spock of never loving Amanda was his t’hy’la. In fact, he had shared a memory of Amanda through their familial bond.

_“I’m so sorry!” A voice peels out from the girl who had just crashed into Sarek. The Vulcan looks down, a little affronted, as she scoops up her dropped PADDS. He remembers that it is polite to help when another is in a situation such as this girls, even if it was her fault, and he kneels to pick up the remainders of the mess. “You really don’t have to do that, really. It was my fault I was on my way to Xenolinguistics and I noticed I had left the essay due in a different folder and I was either gonna have to run all the way back to my room before class starts or I was going to have to hack into the system and get it from the PADD on my desk, and I just wheeled around the corner not paying attention...”_

_Sarek got a little lost after that, he also had other things on his mind such as the diplomatic meeting later that afternoon, and thus missed her introduction._

_“Hey.” A pair of fingers snapped in front of his face. He stood up immediately, disliking the noise as it was too loud for his ears, and thrust the objects he had taken back to the girl without looking at her. “Hey, man, are you alright?”_

_Sarek just looked at her in return, confusion pulsing through him as he tried to name this new feeling. Where was T’Grea’s bond? Why couldn’t he feel it in his head? Was that a new bond?_

_“Hey!” Suddenly the entirety of Sarek’s thoughts zoomed in on the hand on his arm, and the woman it belonged to. She was searching his face for a sign of something, anything, and apparently he wasn’t giving it to her because she started to tug at his robes. “Come on, I think you need a doctor.”_

_He didn’t move, didn’t respond, just stared._

_What the hell was wrong with freaking Vulcans?_

_Amanda let go of his arm. If he wasn’t going to do anything to help himself than she wasn’t going to miss class over his weirdness. There was a doctor she had dated once sitting over at the table on the other side of the room, maybe she could ask him to help out with-_

_“Excuse me?” Amanda snapped her head up at the sound of the man’s voice. She raised an eyebrow at him. Now she was good enough to talk to?_

_“Yeah?” She prompted when he didn’t go on. She’s in for a real reaming when she finally gets to class._

_“I apologize for my earlier behavior, I have been compromised.” He said softly, still watching her with that strange expression, as if she was the only thing in the world. It made her a little uncomfortable. At the same time, though, was compromised some Vulcan thing for sick? Did this guy actually need a doctor?_

_“Do you need help?” She asked slowly. What if the guy was a total freak and he kidnapped her and sacrificed her to a Vulcan God or something? Nobody knew a lot about Vulcans, they were super secretive, so what if he-_

_Geez, xenophobic train of thought or what, Amanda? Get a hold of yourself. She scolded herself. He’s probably just busy and distracted._

_“I am unsure.” He said finally. She shifted from foot to foot for a minute, guesstimating how much class time she would miss if she took this guy all the way down to the infirmary. “May I inquire your name?”_

_Amanda was a little stunned, to say the least. First he ignored her, then he stares at her and now he wants to know her names. If she gets the job she’s hoping for - she wants to help improve the Universal Translator - than she is going to stay the hell away from Vulcans._

_“I’m uh...” She looked around a little desperately. An Orion, a friend of hers actually, glanced over and caught her eyes. After a brief eye battle that was probably really weird looking to other people she got up and walked towards Amanda. “Hey, Yulla.”_

_“Hey, you alright?” Her new best friend wrapped a strong arm around her, pushing her own chin up and leveling a penetrating stare on the Vulcan. He didn’t even flinch. “Who’re you?”_

_“My name is Sarek.” He said evenly, accepting her challenge. “I work under the Ambassador to Earth, Sasak.”_

_“Well I’m Yulla, I work on keeping random dudes away from my friends.” Amanda kind of wanted to facepalm right there, but she settled for turning bright red instead. Sarek raised an eyebrow._

_“I am a Vulcan, therefore not a ‘dude’.” Amanda really couldn’t help the little snort that expunged from her nostrils. It was just the way he had said dude, like a disease, it was too funny._

_“Well then, I’m Yulla, I work on keeping random dude Vulcans away-”_

_“Oh my gosh, Yulla, stop.” Amanda laughed, pushing her away a little. Yulla inclined her head, asking if she was okay, and Amanda nodded in return. She decided internally to buy the Orion a drink for her help. “I’ll see you in Star Charting, all right?”_

_“Whatever.” Yulla said, throwing her hair over her shoulder. With one last glance at Sarek, and the classic ‘I’ve got my eyes on you’ gesture, she walked back to her table. Amanda rolled her eyes and turned back to Sarek._

_Okay, so he probably wasn’t creepy, just focused on trying to make the connections between Vulcan and Earth a little smoother. Amanda decided. Plus he’s kinda cute with the ear thing._

_“I apologize if my behavior has offended you.” Sarek said suddenly. “It was not my intention.”_

_“No no, you’re fine. I don’t know it’s just a little weird to not say anything when people talk to you.” Amanda said. She immediately internally smacked herself, though, upon hearing the words tumble out of her mouth. She’s probably gonna cause a diplomatic incident or something if she doesn’t shut the hell up. “Sorry, uh...let’s start over? I’m Amanda.”_

_She stuck her hand out for a handshake._

Spock had learned that his father had actually shook her hand back, daring to touch her just to confirm that she was indeed his t’hy’la. Then his cousin, whom was the Ambassador at the time, Sasak had seen and he was verbally reprimanded and Amanda hadn’t talked to him for three weeks until finally he cornered her in the library and explained what t’hy’la was.

“Why did you wait for so long to speak with her?” Spock had asked.

“She was a stubborn woman, you know that, and she was only stubborner when she was younger. I tried to tell her I was not ‘copping a feel’ as she put it, simply attempting to confirm a hypothesis, but she refused to hear my words.” Sarek got the closest to a smile Spock had ever seen when not around his mother. “Finally I asked her intimidating friend Yulla to tell me her location after three weeks of fruitless advances. Naturally, the Orion girl lectured me and slapped me across the face,” Spock almost slipped and smirked at that. “before I told her everything and then I met with Amanda in the library.”

Spock had absorbed all of this like a sponge. Knowledge of his mother was more important now than ever before, and although he had heard many times before that his parents had met at the academy they had never gone into detail.

His father had given him his mothers side as well, from what he cultivated from their bond, for which Spock was grateful.

Later, looking back on their conversation, Spock wishes he had asked his father more questions so that in this moment, when everything was going to hell around him and he still could not move or do anything but stare at Jim, he would be able to imagine how Jim might have felt if they had met at the academy. If Spock had decided to bring Jim into his office instead of making a scene with the charges for the Kobayashi Maru, and Jim had accidentally touched his hand or something when he was handing over a PADD.

What would have occurred if Spock had invited Jim to dinner? If they had dated for a while, it was legal for a cadet to engage in a romantic relationship with an instructor as long as said cadet was not in the professor’s class, and Spock told Jim about t’hy’la over a candlelit dinner instead of strangling him? How would the world be different if Jim had been there to comfort Jim when his mother died instead of Nyota?

“Spock!” He was yanked from his montage of ‘what ifs?’ by his captain calling out to him. He rushed forward, holding onto the chair Jim was sitting in. “What do we do? I don’t know what to do!”

Spock opened his mouth, a string of automatic instructions falling from his mouths on the possibilities of the ship surviving an explosion such as the one they were being sucked into.

“Shut up and tell me what to do!” Jim shrieked, seizing Spock’s wrist. Spock yanked it back, he was not worthy to touch his t’hy’la in such a way, and missed the hurt expression on Jim’s face. 

“Mr. Scott-” Spock tried instead, but was cut off.

“Scotty’s stuck trying to keep the engines from over exhaustion, he can’t help us.”

The hull started to crack and a few crew members let out shouts of anguish. Spock and Jim watched in matched horror as the ship propelled into the explosion after the wrecked Narada.

“It was a pleasure working with you, Jim.” Spock murmured on a whim as the glass cracked more and more. His captain turned in his seat and looked at him, opening his mouth to speak when everything went dark.


	2. Woke Up Confused

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim wakes up after the fight...in the past?   
> What the hell happened?  
> And why is he the only one who seems to remember?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY  
> I was gone for a very long time.   
> But hey chapter, so...yay!  
> *throws confetti and runs away*

Jim’s head was pounding, his stomach was rolling and for God’s sakes who was yelling? The sooner he gets to Bones’ hangover remedy the better.

“Cadet Kirk?” A monotonous voice asked. Then just like fire memories spread through his brain.

Nero.

Spock.

Vulcan.

Delta Vega.

Another Spock.

Captain.

Fight.

Black Hole.

Death.

And now? What was going on?

“Where am I?” Jim asked unsteadily, sitting up. Spock was kneeling next to him, except...he wasn’t. It wasn’t Spock, it was Professor Spock in his uniform blacks and they were back in the courtroom where he was brought up on academic dishonesty and what the hell was going on? “What?”

“Cadet Kirk, you collapsed. Do you require medical attention?” Jim stared at Spock, at the line forming between his diagonal eyebrows as confusion shone through all his walls. Jim couldn’t see that agony his First Officer had had on the bridge when he beat up Jim.

“What’s the stardate?” Spock looked wary, but he relayed it back to him.

It was the date of his court martial.

“Jim, what the hell happened to you?” Bones came up to him in a flurry of Cadet Red and started checking up on him. Jim smacked his hand away a couple times as he stared at Spock.

“Vulcan?” Jim asked. Spock looked shocked before smoothing his features. “Is Vulcan alright?”

“What would be wrong with the planet, Cadet?” Spock asked. Jim looked all around him, trying to find any rational explanation for why he remembered everything and it appeared no one else did. Why was he back in time? “Cadet.”

“Sorry.” He said automatically. It reminded him that he still needed to apologize to Spock for what he’d said. “Sorry.”

“I’m taking you to the infirmary.” Bones announced. Jim had forgotten he was there.

“No, Bones, I’m fine.” Jim stood up swiftly. Three days of hard battle had fixed the kinks in his reflexes and he felt...powerful. “I’m alright. I think.”

“Jim?” He turned towards the voice and saw...

Gaila.

Suddenly everything that going back in time meant crashed down on him.

Gaila was still alive. Vulcan was still there. Sam was a scientist on the Farragut, he must be alive. What if Nero is still out there?

“Nero.” Jim said softly.

“Who?” Bones asked. Gaila lingered outside of the small circle Jim, Bones and Spock had created.

“He’s gonna attack Vulcan.” Jim turned to a stunned Spock. “A war criminal named Nero from another universe is about to launch red matter into Vulcan and create a black hole at the center.”

Spock stayed silent.

“Please, someone has to do something. Nero will create a black hole into the center and suck up the entire planet. He’s gonna try and do the same thing to Earth but we...stopped it.”

“What the hell are you going on about, Jim?” Bones said. The scanner was lingering around his hip, as if fighting a battle of whether to scan Jim or just stay down. “You sound insane.”

“I’m not, I swear. Any second a guy is gonna come in and say Vulcan sent out a distress call, and then you’re going to sneak me into the Enterprise, and then I’m gonna figure out that it’s Nero, and then Vulcan disappears-”

“Cadet Kirk, I believe you require medical attention at this time.” Spock said. Jim shook his head quickly and stepped away from Spock and Bones. They both looked like they were about to follow him, but his head was spinning and he shoved his hands up before him like a barrier. “Cadet Kirk, protesting medical attention is illog-”

“Shut up, Spock, I just need a minute.” His First Officer (could he even call him that anymore?) looked surprised behind all his shielding.

Speaking of shielding, he assumed all Spock’s bonds were back in place. When Vulcan died it was almost like Jim could feel the snap of all the bonds Spock must have lost.

God, Vulcan was still there. All those people were still alive. All the kids and their parents and their pets. The plant life, the sand, the water, the mountains and...

“Your mom’s alive.” Jim whispered. Spock stiffened like a board and glared at him.

“I was not aware her life was in danger, Cadet.” Spock sounded dangerous. He was practically daring Jim to say anything different. “Go to the infirmary.”

“Sorry, Spock, I just...you guys seriously don’t remember?” He looked back and forth between the two people who, arguably, had become very important to him. Bones: his best friend, his brother, his light during finals...and Spock: friend, brother, lover-

“I gotta go.” Jim said, then turned tail and ran before anyone could stop him.


	3. At Least He's Talking To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim is getting more and more sick of being the only person who knows, and to top it all off 'Professor Spock' is still pissed about the cheating.  
> Like Jim really cares about THAT right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look another chapter I must have been possessed or something.  
> I'll try to update more frequently, but no promises because I am awful at those.

Jim tried everything.

Bones heard the whole story, even asked questions while Jim relayed the events of the last few days to him, but when they went to bed that night Jim could see the concern in his best friend’s eyes.

He tried to talk to Spock, so he could tell him, but the Vulcan wouldn’t even look at him.

Gaila listened, but he was distracted while telling her because she wasn’t dead. Jim doesn’t love her the way she loves him. He doesn’t really want a sexual relationship with her, never did. He loved her because of her personality (and how cliche is that?) and he would have preferred to remain friends.

But he ended up in bed with her anyways because she’s Gaila and she gets what she wants, and he’s Jim Kirk and he was horny and bored and thought maybe if they gave it a shot he could love her the way he feels he should.

He doesn’t, and now that he has her back he’s not giving into primal urges anymore. He explained all of this, she cried a little but understood and went back to being her sassy, sarcastic and sexy self (the most important three S’s in her vocabulary) in a matter of minutes.

Jim tried to tell Sulu and Chekov, but he didn’t know them before the ordeal and so it was hard for them to even comprehend who he was. He got ahold of Scotty, who agreed to go look for the other Spock. He even made a deal that if he found the old Vulcan, he’d believe him about the rest of the story. 

Jim called his brother; they had an awkward and stilted, but rather fulfilling chat with him. Sam is getting married soon and Jim’s invited. His brother wouldn’t have invited him if they hadn’t talked before the wedding, he’s sure of it, but it feels nice to have Sam on his side for the moment. He didn’t tell his brother about Nero.

He even called his mom. She lived out in deep space and the reception sucked, but they talked and laughed and it almost felt like old times. He told her about Nero. She seemed pretty indifferent over whether to believe him or not, but at least she didn’t call him a liar, like she used to with Frank.

 

Three weeks after the trial and he finally heard from Spock.

_Cadet Kirk,_

_You exited your trial before it ended and a verdict was reached. In light of your emotional distress I recommended to Captain Pike that the charges be handled differently._

_Come to my office at 1500 hours during my lunch break and we will discuss your punishment._

_Professor Spock_

Seriously.

After everything the man was still ticked off about him cheating on that stupid test?

“What’s got your panties in a twist?” Bones asked as he entered their dorm room.

It was strange being back in the student building. It was scary and emotional to see all the kids who should have been dead. It was amazing to not be captain of a group of mourning third year cadets.

No, actually, it wasn’t. Jim missed the Enterprise and the trust that was placed on him. He missed the chair and the passion of the mission. He missed being captain.

“Jim?” Bones broke him out of his trance filled with phaser fire. “You alright?”

“Yeah, sorry.” His best friend didn’t look too convinced, but Jim waved it off. He held up his padd with the message. “You’re not gonna believe this.”

 

“Hey, Spock, what’s up?” Jim slammed his way into his First Officers- the Professors -office and interrupted a meeting between, who do you know, Uhura and Spock. She glared dangerously.

Same old, same old.

He missed his communications officer, too.

“Hey, Uhura!” He pretended to be happy to see her, even though when he tried to tell her about the Narada incident she laughed in his face and closed the door. “Did you get an email to meet Spock here, too?”

“No, she did not.” Spock said from behind his big desk. Jim smiled smugly at her when she huffed.

“Well then I’m gonna have to ask to borrow your boyfriend.” Jim knew he was being a brat, but he was tired of being looked at like he was crazy and he wanted to talk to Spock. Even though it had started off badly, their partnership had gone swimmingly towards the end.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” Uhura protested too aggressively at the same time Spock said evenly, “I would never date a student.”

If Jim had to pick a moment when Uhura looked so hurt, and so pissed, that he almost felt sorry for her, he would choose that one. What Spock had said must have hit home.

“My bad. I thought for sure you two-”

“I have class.” Uhura interrupted, shooting another glare at him before grabbing her bag and leaving. “Bye, Professor Spock.”

“Goodbye, Cadet.” She flinched and left quickly. Jim wiggled his fingers annoyingly at her retreating back. “Cadet Kirk, sit down.”

Jim turned around and plopped into one of the chairs.

“What’s the word, Spock?” He asked, suddenly exhausted.

“My name.” A bubble of laughter left Jim before he could stop it.

See, he’s not angry at Uhura. He’s not sad that he lost the developing friendship with Sulu and Chekov. He’s not irritated at Spock for not talking to him, and he doesn't feel betrayed by Bones for not believing him.

He just hates his situation. After three weeks of everyone telling him that nothing happened, he had a weird dream, there wasn’t a crazy Romulan out to get them...after three weeks of being told he was wrong, it was starting to feel like it, too. Suddenly he had gone from being captain of the best starship out there to a delinquent cadet who was back talking everyone who looked at him out of some fucked up vengeance.

The worst part is that he really wants to talk to the older Spock. Scotty hasn’t gotten back to him yet, and he’s starting to worry that the Spock he met in the cave- the one who loved him with all his heart and called them T’hy’la (which he still wasn’t completely sure what that was, but it felt right and the translation into Standard was a relationship he wanted with someone desperately, even if that person had no idea who he was and what they had accomplished together)- wasn’t real. What if he was never real, and he had actually gone crazy?

“What do you want from me, Spock?” Jim asked suddenly. The Vulcan, who had been staring at him with a strange expression, straightened.

“You hacked into my test, changed the rules and cheat-”

“Yeah, I know. I was there. So were you, and then everything got fucked up because a guy came and said there was a distress call from Vulcan-”

“The destruction of my planet never occurred, and the man you spoke of never came into the trial. You are wrong, and I believe what you did during the trial is evidence that you are not trustworthy enough to serve on a starship.” Spock interrupted Jim’s interruption.

He felt like he had been slapped. Then punched. Then maybe strangled. Again.

“You tried to kill me.” Jim said suddenly. Spock raised an eyebrow. “When we were going after Nero, I mean. I needed to take control of the ship so we could save Earth, you were captain at the time, and I had to emotionally compromise you and get you to hand over the chair.”

“I would not have allowed myself to become emotionally compromised.” Spock argued.

“You had just lost your planet, it wasn’t that hard.” Jim murmured. He wasn’t actually looking at Spock, but rather a very formal looking picture of Spock, an elder Vulcan man and a woman who could only be Spock’s mom. “You had beamed down onto the surface of Vulcan when it was all going down and saved members of the High Council. Your mom was lost, though, and I had to use that against you.”

Spock stayed silent, simply staring at him with an unreadable expression. Jim had thought he was beginning to get a feel for Spock’s nonexistent emotional cues, but seeing him now he realized just how much more he would have to figure out if he ever wanted to get closer to Spock.

“When I said those horrible things to you...you attacked me. I guess something just snapped and you almost killed me. I think the only reason you didn’t actually murder me was because your dad was there.”

“My father witnessed me losing control?” Spock asked. Jim tried not to jump up and down at the idea that Spock was starting to believe him.

“Yeah. He’s the one who called you off me.” Jim winced. “Well that made you sound like a hunting dog, but he called your name and you stopped strangling me.”

“I...apologize for what I did in your fictional universe.” Spock said solemnly. Jim groaned and threw his head back.

“I’m not making it up! It happened!” Jim stood up and started pacing around the medium-sized office. “We saved Earth, and Pike, who had been kidnapped by the Romulan ship. We did it together, Spock, we were an awesome team! You have to believe me.”

“Cadet Kirk, I believe you should be seen by a doctor.” Spock stood up slowly and walked over to Jim.

“I’m not crazy.” He protested. “I swear, it all happened. This guy, Nero, he came through a black hole in space that was made in his time. When he came through, he destroyed the ship my parents were on, the Kelvin. Then he popped up years later and decided to destroy Vulcan for a reason you’re not allowed to know.”

“Why would I not be allowed to know?” Spock asked.

“Let’s just say it’s a matter of life and death.” Jim answered, stealing a line from a thousand movies Spock probably hasn’t seen.

“You are a very dramatic human, Cadet Kirk.” He noted. Jim smirked.

“Call me Jim.” He teased, then remembered that this Spock has never heard him say that.

It came back to him in a rush.

 

_“Spock?” Jim called through the door separating the First Officers’ quarters from their shared bathroom. The Alpha Shift had two hours to sleep, eat and report back to duty before they reached Saturn, where they would hide from Nero. “You awake?”_

_The door fizzed open and Spock stared at him indifferently, even though Jim could see a war raging in the other man’s eyes. He noted they were human rather than Vulcan. He had heard that Spock was half-human, had gotten the evidence from the man himself, but until now it didn't seem real that Spock was the only one of this hybrid Vulcan-Human breed._

_“Do you require something, Captain?” Spock asked. Jim shook his head, wrapping his arms around himself like he could hold in all the fear that was clenching him as they neared closer and closer to the Narada._

_“No, just wanted to see if you were alright.” He felt stupid now._

_“Alright has variable definitions.” Spock suddenly looked pained, like that meant something to him. Jim wanted to know what it was, and for some reason it bothered him that he didn’t have the relationship with Spock that would allow him to just ask. “If you do not require anything, I need to meditate.”_

_“Yeah, of course, sorry to bother you.” Jim turned to leave, but a hand on his arm, one that was gone almost immediately, stopped him._

_“You do not have to...leave. I apologize for being rude.” Spock said. He looked confused. “If you desire company, you can sit with me while I meditate.”_

_Jim had heard about Vulcan meditative rituals. It was all very hush-hush and outsiders weren’t permitted._

_“Okay.” Jim smiled, small and weak, and followed Spock into his room. “Thank you.”_

_“It is my duty as First Officer to, how you say, ‘be there’ for the Captain.” Spock said. Jim felt guilty instantly that he was practically forcing Spock to do something out of duty. Spock must have seen it in his face, though, because he backtracked quickly. “Also, I believe if we are to be working together for the range of this mission, we should learn to tolerate the others presence.”_

_“Well, if you think anyone can tolerate me, give it a few minutes.” Jim joked. Spock raised an eyebrow, which Jim took as a laugh, and got out a mat and incense from the closet._

_“You may sit wherever you want.” Spock said before sitting down and assuming a meditative position. Within seconds it was obvious he was under, or whatever. Jim walked quietly over to the bed and sat down. “Captain?”_

_Apparently he wasn’t as under as Jim had thought._

_“Yeah?”_

_“I will follow you to the ends of the universe as my Captain.” Spock said softly. Jim felt warmth bloom through his chest, the first time he hadn’t felt cold since the air of Vulcan burned his lungs as he tried desperately to save it._

_“Spock?” Jim whispered._

_“Yes?”_

_“Call me Jim.”_

 

“I believe that would be inappropriate, Cadet.” Spock snapped. Jim sighed soulfully and nodded.

“Yeah, whatever you say, Professor.” Jim answered sadly. Suddenly a thought whipped away everything else. “I gotta go.”

“May I ask where, Cadet?” Jim grabbed his stuff and walked swiftly to the doorway, then stopped and turned back with half his body out the door.

“I’m heading to Delta Vega.” Jim said, laughing like a child. “A friend is waiting for me.”

“Who?”

Jim laughed louder, happier.

“An old, old friend. He’ll know what to do.” Although Jim wasn’t too sure about that last part, he desperately wanted to see the other Spock, and if he could convince his counterpart of the truth, it might all work out. Only three things to remember:

1) He is the only person so far who remembers what happened.

2) Spock despises him for everything he’s ever done and probably won’t listen to anything he has to say.

3) Under no circumstances can Spock know about his counterpart. Paradoxes would be a problem added on to all this shit that Jim wouldn’t have the slightest idea of how to handle.

 

Should be easy, right?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *throws confetti* Thank you everyone who's been sticking with me! Kudos, Bookmark, and Comment!


	4. Storms Are Not Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A storm is raging and knocks out the power in Spock's office right after Jim arrives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kind of a filler, but I'll get more plot in in the next chapter.   
> Thank you everyone for sticking with me :)

Spock was getting very tired of dealing with Cadet Kirk. He would not cooperate with the regulations put in place anymore, even though according to his other professors he was respectful and kind before the trial incident, and his fictional story he created was not going away. As of late he had become the talk of the professors. Spock could not escape Jim Kirk. Even Nyota Uhura was talking about him whenever she interrupted his lunch break to bring up a menial discussion.

“He’s so infuriating. It was bad enough when he was hanging around Gaila all the time, but now whenever they’re in the same room they’re talking about that damn alternate universe thing he created.” She huffed as she paced his office. Spock raised his eyebrow in hidden amusement. “Yesterday he had the nerve to tell me that he never would have been able to convince Pike that it was the same Romulan who killed his parents that was terrorizing Vulcan without my help. Why would I ever help him?”

“Perhaps he had a convincing argument?” Spock teased. Not out loud, he made it sound as if he was asking a serious question.

“As if. He’s just a dumb hick who happens to have an IQ high enough to get in.” Nyota sneered. “Now everyones going up and asking him random questions about the universe he created in between class and stuff. This guy Hank in our Advanced Linguistics class asked what ship he was on, and Jim said the Farragut. Then he said the Farragut exploded and Hank had died and I swear there were actual tears in Jim’s eyes. For Pete’s sake, I know the guy dated Hank freshman year, but almost crying because he happened to be on a ship that exploded in this fake world is just idiotic. Jim needs psychiatric care.”

The bells rang suddenly, interrupting whatever rant Nyota was about to launch into. If Spock were human he probably would have sighed in relief. He did not like the way she cast aside Jim’s vision as insane ramblings of an idiot.

Spock, in the habit of knowing his enemy, had looked at Jim’s record that was on file for Starfleet. He had had a string of misdemeanors and minor felonies in his teenage years, but the record had cleared up when he entered Starfleet. Since then he has become an A+ student who does extracurricular activities and donates extra money to charities.

Although that is admirable, it had greatly surprised Spock when he had learned the last part. A Junior in college who donates money he could better spend on alcohol, dates with other students or even his tuition (although Jim had been given a free ride into Starfleet on request of Captain Pike), this particular student chose to give about half of his earnings he makes from the bookstore he works at part-time to the Starfleet Orphans Home For Girls.

Spock vaguely wished he knew Jim well enough to know why he would donate so much money to a charity that had seemingly no effect on him.

“I have to get to class.” Nyota said, even though Spock knew her schedule (Not from wanting to, but because he is constantly badgered by her during his free periods. She is good company, but her boundary line is awful and he misses his privacy.) “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Spock opened his mouth to answer that, since he taught her two different classes, it was most likely he would see her tomorrow, when suddenly the door burst open and a very wet Jim Kirk came through the door.

“It’s raining.” He announced. Nyota made a disgusted noise towards his appearance, but Spock was a little distracted by the Cadet’s open uniform, and the white shirt underneath that stuck to Jim’s chest.

Spock had felt attraction before. He was not a stranger to the burning in his gut and the want swarming against the walls in his head.

But the extent of his arousal was frightening, especially considering how well he has been shielding for over a year now. Any attraction he felt was immediately stamped down, and it never affected him the way it was now.

“Spock?” Nyota asked. She was looking at him oddly.

“Do you not have class?” He asked, perhaps more sharply than he should have. A flash of hurt ran over her face before she schooled her expression and grabbed her things, rushing out of the room before he could apologize.

“You’re kind of being a jerk, Spock, that stick up your ass twist when you were getting out of bed this morning or something?” The Vulcan was surprised by Jim’s attitude. He could be irritating, but he was not usually so outright mean. Jim winced, as if he had noticed, too. “Sorry, I don’t like rain.”

“I did not take any offense.” Spock was not exactly lying, but rather stretching the truth to not cause a fight. “Why did you not bring an umbrella?”

“Didn’t know it was raining until I got down four flights of stairs and the power knocked out.” Jim said, just as the office was plunged into darkness. Although Spock was accustomed to the sporadic electricity that occurred during a storm at Starfleet, Jim apparently was not. “The lights are out. The electricity must have gone here, too.”

“I noticed.” Spock said blandly. He stood up and walked over to the cabinet on the far wall, pulling out a small generator he kept for situations such as these.

“Spock?” Jim called out. “Where are you? I can’t see anything.”

“I am by the cabinet getting my generator.” Spock could see everything almost as easily as he could when the lights were on, but Jim was swinging his arm around trying to find Spock as he inched closer. Spock raised an eyebrow and moved to Jim, grabbing his wrist before it hit him. Jim jumped and squeaked loudly. Spock’s other eyebrow crept up to join the other. “You are very skittish.”

“Yeah. Storms.” Jim said, as if that explained his strange behavior. He curled his other hand around Spock’s wrist, and the Vulcan was very grateful for the cloth between their skin.

Spock pulled Jim over to his desk, where he set up the generator and plugged in his computer. As it started up again Jim moved closer to Spock until his breath was flowing over the Vulcan’s neck.

“Spock?” Goosebumps flared over his skin.

“Yes?”

“Sorry for being so weird. I just...really hate storms.” Jim said softly. Spock nodded, even though there was a good chance Jim couldn’t see it. “I was little when a storm took out like half our house. My brother got hurt really bad and ever since I’ve been weird about storms. I don’t know why I’m telling you any of this.”

Spock opened his mouth to offer an explanation that was meant to be helpful but would probably end up insulting Jim when the computer finally booted up on the slow generator. Light bathed the room again, and Jim stepped away from him. The moment was over and Spock’s mouth shut with a snap.

“Sorry again, and thanks.” Jim gestured to the light. He looked pale and shaky. Spock’s mother gets like that around spiders and loud bangs. He didn’t know why until his father told him that she was abused by her mom for a long time, and loud bangs still scare her. He said it was a human response to trauma.

Spock looked up who his maternal grandmother was and found out she had died of a heart attack when he was seven years old. Now he could vaguely recall his mother telling him someone had died that he never would have met anyway, and he remembered thinking his father looked happier than normal.

Humans were very strange, but staring at Jim now and his reaction to the storm, Spock thinks Vulcans are strange, too.

They hide pain, work through it during meditation, and let it slip away.

Humans bury it, and let it come out during times that make them remember why they hurt in the first place.

 

“I think I should go.” Jim said softly, wishing he had never come here in the first place. He had just wanted to hang out with Spock. Ever since the bridge when Spock beat him up it was like there was a magnet pulling him closer to his First Officer. He didn't like it, but he couldn't stop it either. 

“Are you sure?” Spock asked. Jim blinked back embarrassed tears, and nodded. He hated the way storms affected him.

“Bones is probably waiting for me.” With hot chocolate, an old movie and a warm bed they’ll snuggle up in until this awful storm is passed. Bones knew about his past, and the past three years have been full of fond memories his best friend has given him. It’s almost blocked out all the bad.

“Bones?”

“Leonard McCoy. Bones is a nickname I gave him.” Jim was itching to get home and back to his friend. He thought of all the things he should have done before leaving: looked outside, gotten a heavier coat, asked Bones to come with him...anything to ease the anxiety this storm was causing him. “He’s also my roommate, and he’ll know what to do.”

“He is aware of your...condition?” Spock asked. Jim doesn’t think he’s ever heard the Vulcan ask so many questions.

“Yeah. First bad storm and he did what any good doc would do.”

“Which is?” He urged when Jim didn’t say anything else.

“Well he gave me food and we snuggled.” Jim barked out a laugh. Something...dangerous flashed in Spock’s eyes for a minute before he squashed it down.

“Are you and Dr. McCoy in a romantic relationship?” Spock snapped.

“No. Can’t a guy spend a bad storm wrapped around his best friend?” Jim exaggerated. He knew he was being a brat again, but this storm was making him jumpy and Spock was postponing his leaving.

“It is uncommon.” Spock responded. Jim shrugged and pulled his coat around him. He hadn’t forgotten the way Spock looked at him when he came in. Either he was really uncomfortable with wet t-shirts, or he just really hated Jim. “Do you still want to leave?”

“Yes.” Jim realized how bad that sounded a second after it came out of his mouth. “Not because of you, I just...”

“Want to get back to Dr. McCoy.” Spock finished his sentence. Jim gave him a half-smile and nodded.

“He’s my best friend.”

Silence enveloped them and Jim knew he should go...and yet.

“Spock? Can I ask you something?” This was a bad idea.

“Of course.” Surprising answer, but it didn’t make what Jim wanted to know any better.

“What’s your mom like?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special Thank You to http://archiveofourown.org/users/Phyice/pseuds/Phyice for being so encouraging!


	5. Did I Mess Up? Help Me Green Goddess.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim thinks he might have messed everything up, but when in doubt be cheered up by friends.   
> Also Nyota Uhura is unfair in her reasoning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, my lovelies, I return to school tomorrow so I'll try to get more chapters in this week, but I probably won't start up again until next weekend.   
> Don't hate me, hate the teachers who give me homework. :)

“My mother?” Spock clarified. Jim shrugged, nodded and pulled the jacket a little tighter. “Why do you want to know about her?”

“I know you don’t believe anything I told you about what happened after the trial, but the events that occurred...you really seemed to love your mom.” Jim paused for a second and gathered his thoughts. “Me and my mama...we didn’t get along for a lot of my childhood. She was always gone searching for some piece of my dad and I was a delinquent who hated everyone and everything. People love their moms, but Vulcans pride themselves on suppressing emotions. I guess I just want to know how one person made you so emotional.”

“Aside from my offense at your implication of emotional responses, I do not hold an emotional attachment to a sentient being.” Spock felt disgust curl in his gut as he lied. “I suggest you go back to your dorm now, Cadet Kirk.”

“Spock-”

“Now.” He chastised himself for letting his emotions get the best of him. Apparently his meditation techniques were not working as well as he thought they were. This human had made him react strangely to situations he was normally prepared for (arousal, inquiries about his mother) with undeliberate emotional flares.

“I’m sorry.” Jim said gently before turning around and preparing to go back into the storm. Spock winced and called after him. The Cadet turned. “Yeah?”

“Rain makes humans cold.” Spock walked over to the wall of cabinets and opened one, took out a sweater his mother had made him (one of the less embarrassing ones that he can wear in public without being ridiculed) and gave it to Jim.

“Seriously?” He asked. “I didn’t think Vulcans got cold.”

“We live on a desert planet, the climate and temperature of Earth is not normal for us.” Jim nodded and buttoned up his uniform before slipping on the sweater.

Another wave of arousal washed over Spock at the sight of the human in his clothes. He shoved it down quickly, but a breath came out too loudly and sweat blossomed on his lower back. Another swarm of disgust at his actions...

“Thanks for the sweater, I’ll get it back to you.” Jim assured. Spock nodded and moved back to his desk. It would take at least 3.45 hours to retrieve all the information he lost when the power cut off.

When Spock looked up again Jim was gone.

 

Storms.

If Leonard had to choose one thing he hated most, it would be storms. First it was the awful weather in Georgia, which included tornadoes on occasion, and then it was Jim’s reactions to any old storm here.

The first night he found out about Jim’s jumpy reactions to the weather, it was freshman year and Finals Week. They had just plopped down on their beds to catch a couple hours of sleep before waking up at the crack of dawn for more studying when thunder cracked across San Francisco. Jim shrieked and jumped out of bed before promptly turning bright red and closing himself in the bathroom.

By that time Leonard knew about Jim’s crush on him (it would evaporate two months later when he meets that Hank fellow, but for a while Jim thought he was in love with him), and so he had to be real careful about coaxing Jim out. They spent the rest of the storm packed on Leonard’s bed and watching Andorian Dramas on a padd.

Now it was storming like mad, Jim was nowhere to be found and Leonard was starring in an inner debate about whether to put on a coat and go look for him when suddenly his roommate banged into the room wearing the most ridiculous sweater Leonard’s seen since the young whiz kid in his Navigations 101 (which Leonard has yet to pass) rambled on about his great grandmother in Russia who knits him terrible Christmas sweaters and he wore one to class.

“Where the hell have you been?” Leonard spat as Jim jumped into his bed. "And what are you wearing?

“I was going to get some coffee and try and convince Spock that he was my First Officer and we have a duty to his planet to find out what happened to Nero when I saw that it was storming outside. I figured I could just get the coffee, hang out with Spock until the storm passed, and then come back here when it was over. Then the coffee shop was closed and I didn’t know about any others because that’s the most accessible one, and then Uhura was there and she was a bitch to me, and seriously she needs to get over her grudge I apologized in Sophomore year for the way we met.” Leonard watched in amazement as the kid took a breath and started talking again. “Then Spock looked at me weird when I came in, then he was a jerk to Uhura and I was a jerk to him back and then the power went out and I started freaking out and I think I fucked it all up. Also, Spock gave me a sweater.”

“I’m sure he understands. The pointy-eared bastard has a human mom, right? That’s what you said when you were going on about him like a lovesick teenager-”

“What?! I was not, I was telling you about how he attacked me!” Jim sat up quickly. Leonard held back laughter.

“Methinks the lady protests too much.” Leonard teased. Jim made an affronted noise and pounced like Leo knew he would. If you mess with Jim’s fragile ego enough he attacks you and suddenly everything is better. “Jim! Stop! Get off me!”

“Methinks the lady protests too much, bitch!” Jim yelled, knocking them both to the floor with a dramatic sweep of his arms. They tussled for another few minutes before a crack of thunder caused Jim to freeze. “Sorry.”

“Shut up.” Leo groaned, standing up and picking Jim up with him. “Get in the bed and grab a padd."

Jim laughed happily and sprang up, knocking some of Leonards medical books off the bed. Leo sighed and rolled his eyes dramatically.

They snuggled into the covers as rain pounded against the roof. All was quiet except for other kids going up the stairs occasionally, the movie and Jim’s random ragged breaths whenever lightning and thunder cracked over San Francisco.

 

Six days later and Jim still hadn’t worked up the courage to bring Spock his sweater back. He had washed it (twice) and carefully folded it and put it in the dresser he never uses.

“So how’s it going with Professor-Stick-Up-Ass?” Gaila asked over terrible sandwiches in the mess hall.

“So you see it, too! I swear, I thought Bones and I were the only ones.” Jim groaned.

“Please.” Gaila took a giant bite out of her sandwich and continued to talk. “I had a class with him last semester and half the students are tripping over their balls to get in his pants, and the other half is hiding behind their padds trying not to get called on out of fear.”

“Which side were you on?” He asked.

“The classes I actually went to?” Gaila laughed. “Hmm...he was hot, like in a stoic kind of way that makes you want to just undo him, but he was too smart. He was like you, frighteningly genius. I already liked you before I discovered your freaky brains, though, so I never got a chance to back out.”

She winked at him while he sputtered, then returned her Cheshire Cat grin. Slowly, though, his happiness dissipated.

“What?” She went from smooth to concerned faster than Bones can go from grumpy to grumpier.

“I asked him about his ma.” He admitted. “He got so pissed, I think I destroyed everything.”

“Why did you want to know about his mom?” Gaila asked softly.

“I just...wanna know more about _him_.” A blush turned Jim red. “Is that weird? He just meant a lot to who I was in the thing with Nero. I miss him.”

Gaila squealed loudly, oddly enough, and then jumped up and hugged him.

“Oh of course you didn’t mess up!” Gaila said into his ear. “You asked him about something very private before he was ready, but that doesn’t mean you messed up.”

“How so?” She pulled back and looked at him with a strange expression. “What?”

“You’re so blind.” She chastised as she snuck a hand around and stole the chocolate chip cookie off his plate.

“Enlighten me, green goddess.” She had just taken a bite, and Jim got a faceful of chewed cookie crumbs. “Oh my god that’s so gross, get off.”

She continued to cackle as she moved over to her chair. He stole her napkin and wiped off his face. He stuck his tongue out off her and started to complain louder and louder until she threw a bread roll at him. It was nice to feel normal for a minute.

“I was going to say that Spock is just probably not accustomed to people asking him about something so personal. Nyota’s been, like, in love with the guy since Freshman year and I bet even she doesn’t know anything about his mother.” Gaila pointed out. “She probably knows what color his socks are every day of the week, I love the girl but she needs to tone it down with her obsession.”

Jim smirked and laughed meanly. He had thought that if he told Uhura about their time on the Enterprise and everything they did for each other he might get to reconcile that friendship they had acquired while aboard, but so far all she’s done is laugh in his face and treat him like a five year old. He wants to be her friend again, but she’s making it difficult not to hate her.

“Hey.” Gaila put her hand over his comfortingly. “You need to cheer up. Spock gave you his sweater, right?”

“How did you know-”

“Not important.” Jim loved Gaila, but she terrified him sometimes. “What is important is that you give that sweater back, preferably in front of Nyota so that she moves on because all this crush is doing is causing her pain, and have a conversation with him. You two are adults, act like them.”

Jim really loved his friends, and he definitely had the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your support, I love each and every one of you and I adore the feedback I'm getting. :D


	6. Team...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tossing theories around and embarrassing your friends might just lead to an unplanned trip with a prince.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FORGIVE ME. No, you don't have to. I am a despicable human and you fabulous readers deserve so much better. I love every one of you who will continue to read this story, and I beg at the feet of those who have been waiting so long not to hate me.   
> In other news, inspiration for NaNoWriMo can be found in Spirk fanfiction you had no motivation to continue! Yay!  
> (sorry again)

“Wait!” Jim shouted as he, Gaila and Bones were half-studying on Bones’ bed one afternoon a few days after the lunch fiasco.

“What?” His friends asked grumpily at the same time.

“That was so similar it was uncanny.” Jim pointed out. Gaila flushed a vibrant green (she had had a crush on Bones’ for ages, but never the courage to ask him out) as Bones glared hotly at his roommate (a certain southern gentlemen returned Gailas’ feelings). “Anyway, I just realized that when I go in to give Spock his sweater back I’m going to have to give a reason as to why it’s so late.”

“Just tell him you were using it as a pillow.” Gaila offered. He stuck his tongue out at her and moved on to Bones.

“Tell him you accidentally dropped nacho cheese on it and had to get it cleaned.” Gaila snorted unattractively, although gauging Bones’ reaction, nothing could be unattractive from her.

“Yeah, how about no?” Jim rolled his eyes and got off the bed. He tripped (very gracefully, shut up Gaila) over his suitcase.

“You need to put that thing back in the closet, Jim.” Bones told him. "One of us is gonna brain ourselves tripping over it."

“I need it for when I go to Delta Vega!” He snatched the sweater out of the drawer and inspected it for damage. It was as soft and warm as ever.

"You still going on about that?" Gaila asked. She plopped her head down into Bones' lap. Jim smirked at the shocked look that crossed his best friends lap.

"I'm going, I just had to wait until tickets were available. And affordable. The next ship to Vulcan leaves on Sunday." It was Thursday. "I'll take a little ship to Vega when I get there."

"I ain't going." Bones demanded. "You can't make me."

They both knew he was going. A certain doctor was too afraid to let his favorite patient go to two very worrisome climates without him. Extreme hot and extreme cold for the kid who was a) allergic to everything and b) very prone to getting injured, frostbitten or claimed by heatstroke? Leonard wasn’t going to take the chance of his only good friend dying because of his reckless stupidity.

“Wanna come with us, Gale?”

“Orions do not mix well with Vulcans,” she crinkled her nose, “or snowmen.”

Jim shrugged, but hoped she would change her mind. He was reluctant to let go of the friend he'd almost lost. Instead of insisting, though, he just draped the sweater over his arm. “I’m gonna go give it back, his third class, the one Uhura’s in, should be ending by the time I get there.” The blond turned to Gaila. “You still want me to break her heart?”

“Desperately.” She had the decency to look guilty. “She deserves someone who’ll love her back.”

“That guy doesn’t seem to really be capable of that kind of thing.” Bones tossed over his padd. “Heartless, even.”

“He loves his mama.” Jim defended his former XO. “That was proof enough when Vulcan was destroyed.”

From what he could gather from Bones’ face, his best friend desperately wanted to believe him. It was part of why Leonard was going to Vega with him, why he hadn’t prescribed him some meds or demanded he go to therapy. They were best friends, and lying to each other had never been in the question. Jim heard all the pain Bones went through because of Jo and his separation from his wife, Kodos and Taurus IV was exposed through nightmares and thunderstorms and late nights passed between a bottle of shitty wine. They had shared their fears and their dreams and everything they could think of because they needed each other. Someone to hold them accountable for the aggression and the asshole tendencies and the fuck-it-out-of-your-system behaviors. This Nero thing was tearing a hole in the fabric of their personal reality. Could Jim be trusted if he was dreaming up illusions like mad Romulans and the destruction of planets? Could Bones believe something with no evidence to back it?

“Have you thought about Nero?” Gaila asked suddenly. Bones and Jim broke what they realized was a very intense staring contest.

“Whaddya mean?”

“Why didn’t he attack Vulcan in the right order?” Gaila sat up and pushed her books away. “Do you think he could have been through something like you? Tossed back in time?”

“I don’t understand the way I was thrown back, though. Spock, old Spock from the cave, was sent back in time but young Spock was still on the Enterprise. A Jim Kirk who didn’t go through all that isn’t walking around, I was just thrown back into the past intact.” He sighed in frustration. “If the black hole had worked like the other one, there would be two of me.”

“So then maybe it wasn’t the black hole.” Bones tossed around. Jim spared him a grateful look, but the doctor looked more worried than hypothesizing. “Maybe something, or someone sent you back. What’s the last thing you remember?”

“Bright lights. The hull cracked, a bunch of people screamed. We could see Nero’s ship break apart and go through the black hole.” Jim latched on to an ominous feelings. “I remember looking up at Spock, he was telling me their was nothing we could do to stop all of it, and I remember...I remember.”

Jim bolted from his bed, and started to thrust clothes into the suitcase. Leonard and Gaila exchanged worried looks. He ran to the bathroom and got together his hygienic supplies before coming back out looking crazed.

“Explain, Jimmy, explain.” Gaila’s voice was amused, but worry crept over it like slime.

“I remember a...feeling. I didn’t know what it was.” He had felt it before though, he just couldn’t remember where or what he had felt. “Guys, this is it. This is what I was missing. Whatever that was, it happened on impact. It would’ve had to be so quick it could get me out before a massive explosion.”

“What did it feel like?” Bones grabbed his suitcase, figuring if the kid was going somewhere he might as well tag along, and started loading it with his stuff.

“Like...like you were being...” Gaila’s face cleared as she caught on.

“Transported.” Jim shrieked with happiness.

“Something transported me out of the explosion, but it went wrong and I was put here!” He clapped Bones on the shoulders and shook the disgruntled doctor. “I wasn’t sent back in time, I was sent to a different universe! I’ve read about this. Transporter accident; they usually end up with your guts on the outside of your body, but I was sent to a universe where Nero didn’t try and destroy Vulcan.”

“Does that mean he’s not here?” Gaila asked.

“Who?”

“Caveman Spock.”

“I...”Jim frowned. He liked old Spock. “I guess not.”

Leonard groaned and dropped his bag. His padd pinged with an incoming message.

“It’s alright, Jimmy, he’ll be fine in the other universe.” Gaila put a hand on his shoulder, but Jim was getting lost in the thought that Oh God Spock is alone now. He thinks we all died in that disaster and he’s alone. He’s been left alone again and I can’t get back, I can’t get back to him to tell him he’s got me. “Jimmy. Jimmy, shh.”

Bones’ arms were suddenly around Jim, hugging him and running his hands up and down his back.

“It’s alright,” Gaila could just make out Leonards comforting murmurs, “you’re okay. He’s fine. He’s alive.”

“He’s alone.” Jim whimpered into his best friend’s shoulder.

“That...might not be the case, Jim.” He pulled back.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Spock!” The Vulcan turned to see Jim Kirk rushing towards him. Nyota Uhura was currently standing four inches too close to him and asking about a homework assignment well within her power to complete. Two other cadets, the older, brown-haired human Jim had been with at the Kobyashi Maru hearing and an Orion woman, were trailing behind Jim holding what appeared to be luggage. “Spock, you gotta hear this.”

“Do you have eyes, Kirk?” Uhura snarled. “We’re kind of in the middle of something.”

“Oh my Lords, Uhura, this is not the fucking time for you to yell at me about my timing.” Gaila smacked his arm and growled at him to be nicer.

“This is level five kind of news, Nyota, we’ve got clearance and everything.” Gaila stepped forward and grabbed the sweater Jim had slung over his shoulder on the way out the door. She tossed it to the confused looking Vulcan professor. “Here you go, Sir Spock, your sweater that you gave Jim a week ago. He’s smelled it every night before he went to sleep.”

“I didn’t.” Jim squawked, then waved at Nyota. “Bye now, please go, I’ll apologize and buy you food later, but we need Spock.”

“You’re a fucking lunatic, Kirk,” She glared at the sweater, and Spock, and Jim and Gaila and even Bones, “and no one believe that shit story about Vulcan being destroyed. You should be locked up before you hurt yourself.”

Bones stepped forward to defend his friend, but she marched off in a huff before he could get to her.

“Spock!” Jim jumped in the air. “Forget the last few minutes and focus on this: I’m from a different universe! Something, someone transported me out of the explosion right before we went in. The transporter must have malfunctioned and sent me here, yada yada, not important. What is important is that Spo- Shit!”

“What?” Gaila asked.

“I can’t tell, it’ll cause a paradox.” Spock raised an eyebrow, but the Cadet’s friends looked wary. “Crap, this is so messed up.”

“Cadet Kirk.” Spock tried to monopolize the increasingly worried looking man’s attention. “I recommend you simply tell me whatever you believe will cause a paradox, and if one does occur we will deal with it accordingly.”

Jim blinked at him before smiling and rolling his eyes. “How about I not kill us and try and explain it without ruining our lives?

“The reason Nero attacked Vulcan was because it was a Vulcan who couldn’t save Romulus in time. Nero was sent back in time and waited like twenty years before the Vulcan, an ambassador I know pretty well, came through the same black hole and then he destroyed Vulcan as a way to get back at the ambassador. He was going to do the same to Earth, but we stopped it.”

“Fascinating.” Spock felt more conflicted in that moment than ever. He couldn’t possibly believe Jim, that was out of the question, but he couldn’t discount any of what he said just yet. “Now why does this require you to be very rude to one of my students? Also luggage?”

“Because, Spock, this is the best part.” His face split into the brightest smile Spock had ever seen on any human. A deep emotion he could not place, not longing, love, anger, hate, or any powerful emotion he had felt and discarded before, shot through his mind. It was gone between one heartbeat and the next.

He decided to focus on what the man was saying.

“Spock, the Vulcan just appeared on Vega. Scotty, my buddy over there, hit up my emergency contact-”

“Me.” The dark haired human raised his hand.

“Shush, Bones. He told my evil contact here that a ship crashed on his planet with, guess who, my friend in it!” Jim practically giggled with delight. “Me and Bones are going to get him, I was wondering if you wanted to come but stay on Vulcan and take a different ride back with us because no matter what you cannot meet my friend?”

Spock sighed and looked at Jim for a long time. The semester was ending, he had a week of vacation time after the end of it, he was going back to Vulcan anyways.

“Right now?” He glanced at the bags.

“Well...” Jim shifted the suitcase from one shoulder to the other. “We might have gotten a little over excited, the next ship for Vulcan doesn’t come until Sunday.”

“We can leave on Friday afternoon, if you desire an earlier flight.” Spock countered. What was he doing?

“How could you manage that, Pointy?” Gaila scoffed. He raised an eyebrow at her. She flushed and took a tiny step back. “Sir Pointy?”

“That’s the best thing I’ve heard all day, doll.” The human man, not Jim, guffawed. “I’m gonna die.”

“I can manage that,” He held back a glare he inherited from his mother, “because I am the Vulcan Ambassador to Earth’s son.”

“Prince Spock.” Jim smiled. “I like it.”

“It is not accurate.” He countered.

“And yet, I can still picture you in a tiara.” Jim’s smile widened and Spock found himself wanting to return it. He ignored the comment, though, and turned back to the other two cadets.

“I believe introductions are in order.” He put the ta’al up out of respect. “I am Spock.”

“Leonard.” The man tried to return the ta’al, but could not. He just waved instead.

“Gaila.” She smiled, and while he could smell the Orion pheromones coming off of her, claiming Leonard as hers and hers only, she was sweet and reminded him of his human aunt.

Surprisingly he found himself beginning to put off his own pheromones, the Vulcan kind that is less sexual than an Orions and more instinctual, off on Jim. Gaila raised an eyebrow in shock, but refrained from saying anything. He flickered his eyes from Leonard to her, and she nodded. They had found common ground.

Now he just needed to know why he was projecting onto Jim Kirk, the most infuriating and illogical human he had ever encountered.

“So...” Jim began, oblivious to the drama and excited to get answers. “Team Kirk? Team Jim? What’s our name?”

“Team Gaila.”

“Team shut the hell up, Jimbo.”

They all stared at Jim, who tossed his hands up in exasperation. “Come on! Look at our head count. A doctor who gets sick at the idea of beaming up and down from a planet, an Orion who knows more about everyone else than Starfleet records, a Vulcan professor who’s a damn prince and our only real form of supervision, and the school basket case who is dragging you through the galaxies to prove I’m right! We need a team name!”

“Team...” Gaila, Bones, and Jim struggled to think of something.

“We’ll think of something.” Jim finally relented. Bones and Gaila shrugged.

“I’m going to go dump all this stuff back off at the room.” Leonard hefted his back up onto his shoulder and took Jim’s bag from him. Gaila accompanied him without another word. She appeared lost in thought. “Get home early, Jim, we still need to study.”

“Will do.” Jim watched them walk away before glancing at Spock. “I’ve got the weirdest friends.”

“They seem very loyal to you.” He pointed out. Jim smiled.

“Yeah, they are.” Spock heard an unspoken statement there. He could not quite decipher what it meant.

“My mother is very brave.” He said after a moment of silence. “She was brave to do many of the things she did, including marrying my father and having me.”

They walked slowly over to a bench and sat down. Jim turned to look at Spock, who gazed out over the fountain in the middle of the empty courtyard they claimed.

“Go on.” Jim urged.

“She is very human. Her emotions are wild and untamed. Her actions are illogical.” He felt like a cord came loose as he began to weave poetry about the one person he has spent his whole life feeling as though he failed. “She loves to spend time reading, and as she can read, write and speak over thirteen languages she has a huge selection.”

“Thirteen languages?” Jim grinned. “No way. She’d have to be the smartest person ever.”

“She is brilliant. Her IQ is ordinary, but her ability to do anything she sets her mind to is unmatched.” Spock recalled a memory he secretly adored. “I remember my father told her she could not possibly learn three languages and the mannerisms one needs to have to use those languages before the summers end, when the ambassadors of the planets Vulcan wanted to make peace with were coming. She seemed to take it as a personal offense, and by the end of the summer she had not only managed to learn all of those languages, but another that was very secret among the Taan’irkie people. When the party the ambassadors were going to be at began, my mother...”

They spent hours talking about Spock’s mom, and Vulcan, and the academy, the classes, the students; they moved on to broader subjects such as xenophobia, politics within the Federation, the youth of Earth and Vulcan and how the actions of their elders will affect them positively and negatively. Spock moved on to tougher subjects, both enjoying conversing with Jim and trying to push him to see how far his intelligence goes. The human matched him in every conversation, and in ones he was not educated on, like the basics of Vulcan logic, he gathered the information Spock gave it and questioned it, poked holes in it, found inoffensive ways to breach the sanctity of Vulcan and try and understand their society and their people.

**When they finally parted ways, Spock was astounded to find he did not want to go.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, I hope you guys like it. Any suggestions for the team name? Thank you again for sticking with me!


	7. Catching A Break Was Never Part Of The Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lazy day at a coffee shop on the day they ship out to Vulcan takes a different kind of turn when Spock shows up in the middle of a Jim Kirk Panic Attack. 
> 
> Just, not the kind of way he was expecting Spock to show up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! I'm sorry for anyone reading this story wishing for an immediate answer to what happens next. I've got the muse right now, though!   
> I'm calling the Vatican tomorrow to have you all Canonized as Saints, for real. Thank you all so much, both for your kind words in the comments and your patience.

The last day of the semester began, and Jim decided it was a good time to stop. He felt like ever since the trial it was rushrushrush to find answers. Now that he had a set plan with other people to back him up, Jim took a breath.

He decided to skip out on his last day and think. Spock had complicated his feelings so much in the span of a few hours. He needed some Jim Time to work through stuff. After he had been tossing and turning in bed for about an hour, his brain had dared to let the thought ‘Could I really be in love with him?’ cross through all the jumbled mess. Jim breathed it out instead of answering and let it fall into the crumpled sheets surrounding his body on the bed.

Now, though, Jim needed to get over all of this.

The business of the cafe didn’t slow down even with the kids from the academy in class, or the people of San Francisco going away for vacation. Jim slid through the door and hid in a booth towards the back with a big window next to him. He tapped out his coffee order on the hologram in the table, then thanked the barista when they brought it to him.

Then, he sank into his mind and tried to collect himself.

First off, loving Spock. Should be impossible, considering he’s only known the guy for a few weeks, and one of those weeks the other doesn’t remember. Plus, Jim doesn’t even know what love is. He loves Bones, and Sam, and his Mom. He loves Gaila and his favorite pillow, and old music. He loves space. He loves starships. He’s never loved romantically.

Jim was Jimmy when he was twelve, then he was a starving leader of starving children they called J, then he was Jamesl. He was James all throughout his teen years while he spent more time getting the shit beat out of him by his stepdad than chasing after girls or guys.

Jimmy, J, James, they all rounded out into Jim: the boy with no reference for love and no want for a person to burden his history on.

So fuck being in love. Love was...illogical. In this moment he vowed to himself to not fall in love. Not with anyone. It was stupid and irritating and would only hurt him.  

Suddenly he missed his Spock. For a while there, he was so sure he was just in the past. Eventually, the world would catch up and he’d get his team back. Then he figured the ‘alternate universe’ bit out. Now it was hitting him like a ton of bricks that he might never see the Spock that let him hang out while he meditated. He’ll never get to apologize for saying those horrible things to him on the bridge. He has lost the only person he felt a connection with that went deeper than friends or lovers or family. Spock felt different. And now, now Jim’s alone again.

Even with the Spock indulging in his insane fantasies. 

“How’s the classes?” Spock leaned forward as his mother asked a question that could end the lull in conversation.

“Well. A few students are falling behind, but I assume it is because of the upcoming break.” She nodded. “After they return, they shall return their focus to their studies.”

“Or so you hope.”

“I will ensure they refocus.” She laughed at the stubborn streak showing it’s face. It came from her, she knew that. Sarek, while a good leader in his work, was not an immovable man on many topics. She could convince him to go her way easily, and always had been able to.

“Anything developing on the social front?” He hesitated and she tried not to squeal in delight. “Spill, spill.”

“I have yet to inform you of the trials going on with James Kirk.”

“Kirk?” It was her turn to lean forward, but Spock did not want to go on for her demeanor had turned from easygoing to slightly distressed. “Is he George and Amanda Kirk’s child?”

“Those are the parents listed on his Starfleet files. How do you know of him?”

“Never knew him, but his parents I knew well. Amanda was a close girlfriend of mine.” She looked desperately sad for a moment and Spock tried to change the subject back to his students, but she shook her head for him to be quiet. “Would you...would you bring him home with you when you come tonight? I want to meet him.”

“Why?”

“Sentimental reasons, darling.” Her eyes glazed over for a moment before she appeared to snap out of whatever memory she was holding on to. “You were telling me you’ve had ‘trials’ with him? Elaborate.”

Spock hesitated, trying to guess if pursuing why she wanted to know the strangest person in his life, but he figured she wouldn’t tell him anyways. So he started in on Kirk. “Jim cheated on his Kobayashi Maru test,” she smiled at that, which further confused him, “and was set to be reprimanded in court with charges of academic dishonesty. In the middle of the trial he collapsed,” she gasped, “and when he awoke one minute and forty seconds later he had appeared to have gone insane. He believed, and still believes, that he had lived a series of alternative events and transported back in time to the hearing.

“Then, after he ran from his test, I decided to punish him in a different manor. When he came to my office he suggested that I was his First Officer aboard the Enterprise, and we fought side by side during an attack on Vulcan from a man named Nero. He even said I had been emotionally compromised from,” he stuttered for a moment as he grappled with whether to tell his mother Jim thought she had died, “events that unfolded in his alternative universe. Several interactions later, and I had agreed to pilot him and two of his peculiar friends to Vulcan so they could take a ship to Delta Vega to ‘prove’ his theory.”

“He’s coming to Vulcan with you?” She beamed.

“That is all the information you felt the need to comment on?” Sarcasm accidentally dripped through his voice, but it had always been harder for him to hold his Vulcan teachings around his mother.

“Of course not, I just have no idea how to react to the fact that my old best friend’s son has apparently gone insane.”

“He is not insane.” Spock regretted jumping to Kirk’s defence so fervently, as his mother’s eyes widened.

“You like him.” He struggled to keep color from his face as his mother gushed. “Oh my God, baby, you like Jim!”

“I do not hold any positive or negative feelings for-”

“You’re in love with Jim!” She clapped. Spock felt like hanging up on her, but could not gather the courage.

“Mother, I am not in love with James Kirk.” He flushed at the statement. Only with his mother would he ever need to say something like that.

“Have you guys talked? You said you had a few interactions, any of them long and romantic?”

“It was not a romantic encounter, but last night we spent five hours and thirty four minutes in conversation after I agreed to host them on the ride home to Vulcan.” Spock felt regret in ever starting this conversation with his mother, as every time he told her something new about Kirk she felt the need to squeal. “We talked, mother, nothing more.”

“What about?”

Spock drifted back to the previous night where he witnessed Kirk express every thought about every topic they could come up with with his entire entity. Every word sparked light from his eyes, every gesture a burst of energy into his words. Finally, he muttered to his waiting mother, “Everything we could think of.”

“James Kirk is gonna be my son in law!” She screeched. Spock went a vibrant green as his fragile emotional hold on this conversation shattered into desperate hope his father was not home. “Spock! He’s staying at the house, and if I like him he’s staying there forever.”

“I have class, mother, I have to go now.” She laughed at him, and although he appreciated seeing her so delighted, the source of her happiness was not favourable. “I shall see you tonight, I love you.”

He flipped off the call and took a breath to calm down his mind. He didn’t have class for another half hour and was planning on stopping by his preferred coffee shop for the tea they serve that tastes closest to his mother’s. As he stood up to leave, realization dawned on him.

_I love you._

Spock had not said those words, as much as he wanted to, to his mother since he was a young teenager. His phone let out a light vibration from his pocket.

_Mother: I love you, too, darling._

 

Jim put his head in his hands as he tried to work out for the millionth time what _exactly_ getting switched with Alternative Universe Jim would mean.

Maybe his world was different. Maybe he wasn’t the man he is in his own universe. Or, maybe everything was so exactly the same that he’s still the same dude. Was that possible?

His brain ached.

What it did mean was someone beamed him away from the explosion on this ship, and the transporter malfunctioned and sent him here. If he got switched with the him from this universe, or something else altogether, it was likely that person was dead now.

Which meant if he ever got back to his universe, this one would have no James Tiberius Kirk.

Which meant in his universe, the Enterprise and all it’s occupants would be dead.

After everything he went through, that was the worst if it. That was the single thought that broke his strength. Jim booked it out of the cafe, nodding to the barista on the way out, and ran along to the side of the building in the little alley way.

His back hit the wall and he slid down as his heart beat too fast in his head. His breath came in short bursts as the thought of going back to a world with no Bones, no Spock, no Pike, no no one. He’d be all alone, and this time he wouldn’t have a starfleet landing outside the shelter just as one of the kids’ breathing began to slow to a stop because it’d been three days since any of them had eaten. No one would bring back Bones. No one would beam Spock into existence again. Pike would be dead, Uhura and Scotty and Sulu and Chekov, God the kid was  _fucking seventeen_ -

_Jim._

His head snapped up and looked all around the abandoned alley to find the source of the voice.

_Breathe, Jim._

“W-who’s there?” He stuttered out. No time to be courageous when there were voices in his head.

_Do not panic, it is Spock._

“How’d you do that? Talk to me in my head?”

_I regret to inform you while we are so far away from each other but we...bonded while I was strangling you on the ship._

“Spock?” Jim stood too fast and fell back against the wall. “My Spock! You remember!”

_Remember?_

“I’ve been trying to convince you all this happened for weeks.”

_All of what happened? You are not making sense._

“Spock, I got sent back in time. You’re a stick-up-the-ass professor again, and no one at Starfleet believes Nero attacked Vulcan.” Jim sighed, but felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest knowing Spock remembered. “Where are you?”

_You are back at the academy?_

“Yeah...where the hell are you?” A sense of dread sunk Jim’s stomach.

_It is complicated._

“Uncomplicate it, Spock.”

_The ship did not go through the black hole. We were all transported onto another ship._

“What?”

_Sulu, Chekov, Uhura, Mccoy, the crew and I are all safe aboard a Vulcan ship that was carrying survivors to a desert planet similar to that of Vulcan._

“You’re all okay?” He breathed a sigh of relief. “Excellent.”

_Are you okay?_

“Next question, babe.” His headache did not subside, and the ‘babe’ slipped through undeliberately. Thankfully, Spock didn’t call him out on it.

_You said you had been trying to convince ‘me’ for weeks. What was your meaning?_

“Yeah. You’re a pain in the ass most of the time, but you’re not too bad.” Spock didn’t respond. “Spock? Hey, hey, no, come back, I need this thing to hold up.”

_It is a strong bond._

“Then answer!” He snapped.

_I apologize, I did not expect my silence to distress you._

“I haven’t talked to someone who doesn’t think I’m kind of crazy in weeks, Spock, this is kind of a big deal.”

_The Spock with you has accused you of lunacy?_

“Not quite yet.” He shrugged even though Spock couldn’t see him. “He’s been helpful, though. Tonight he’s taking Bones, Gaila and I to Vulcan so I can go to Delta Vega.”

_Why would you return to that planet, Jim? It is highly unsafe._

“Matter of life and death.”

_You think Ambassador Spock is going to be there?_

“How do you know about him?” The universe was supposed to explode! Eternal paradox!

_He contacted me after we were rescued. Our interaction is not going to cause an obstruction of the natural flow of the universe, Jim._ Spock sounded amused. It felt like a breath of fresh air after being in a city overrun by smog. _Ambassador Spock disappeared two days ago._

“And you’re not worried?”

_He is an elder of a very high political standing; it was logical to assume he could take care of himself._

Jim chuckled. “Yeah, you’re not a big worrier are you?”

_I have worried for you greatly._

He smiled softly, his heart warming with the knowledge he had his Spock back again.

“Explain this bonding thing, why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

_It is complicated, Jim._

“Trust me, whatever you hit me with isn’t going to be worse than being transported into an alternative universe.”

_When I was killing you, it was the first time I touched you. All of my telepathy was in overdrive as my body attacked it’s walls after my bonds broke down._

“T’hy’la.” Jim whispered.

_How...Jim, where did you hear that?_

“After I woke up in the courtroom with a mean you hanging over me, after I realized you and Bones didn’t know who I was, and I saw Gaila and a bunch of dead kids standing in the crowd, but right before I ran I heard it. I didn’t know what it meant, but I felt like I lost it.”

_I am here._

“No...” Jim sighed. “You’re there. You’re in a different universe. I’m here.”

_We will find a way to bring you home, Jim, I promise._

“Jim?” His head shot up again when he heard Spock, too many of those guys running around again, in the mouth of the alley.

_Jim?_

“Hey, Spock.” Jim stood off the wall and walked over to the professor. It felt so strange, realizing this wasn’t his Spock.

_I am still here._

“Not you.”

_The professor._ He sounded oddly territorial.

“Then who?” This Universe Spock asked.

“Yes, the professor.” He shook his head and focused back on the Spock in front of him. “Yes, you, sorry. New developments.”

_We need to figure out how to get you home._

“What new developments?”

Jim sighed long and hard as he realized how difficult this was going to be. “Okay I need both of you to shut up while I try and explain this.”

_Jim_ -

“No.”

“Both of-” 

“Shut up!” He shrieked. Finally they went silent. “Okay, I’m gonna go with Professor Spock for you.” He pointed to the one standing in front of him. “Now, this is going to sound crazy, but at this point that’s a little repetitive. Spock, my Spock from my timeline, bonded to me and found a way...one second. Spock?”

_May I speak now?_ Spock sounded miffed, and if this was any different kind of situation it would have made Jim crack up. Now, he needed to focus. 

“Why did it take you so long to talk to me?”

_I could not bear to speak with you._

“Ouch.”

_No, Jim, it is not you. I almost killed you. I was emotionally compromised and my actions led to your assault. I do not deserve to speak with you._

“Well what changed?”

_You were afraid._

“Oh.” He shook his head, feeling weird and unhappy at the newest struggle in his life. Then he turned back to a bewildered Professor Spock. “Okay, okay, so I guess Spock found it high time to talk to me. He’s in my head, he’s in my time, and we gotta find a way to get me back to him.”

“Why?” Professor Spock sounded breathless, like Jim had punched him in the chest.

“Because...” Jim sighed, but felt a waiting presence in the back of his mind. He smiled slowly. “It's complicated. I don't know how to explain it.”

“I am not certain as to what you mean.”

“T’hy’la.” Jim tried. Vulcan words for the Vulcans. 

_T’hy’la._

“You and I are T’hy’la?” Jim was about to nod when a violent possessiveness clouded his mind. Spock’s emotions were bleeding into his mind.

_No, you are mine, Jim. He has his own James Kirk._

“Spock’s - my Spock - is saying no?” Jim wrinkled his nose. “You have your own. James Kirk, this one anyways, is your T’hy’la. Which makes no sense considering I’m the same guy.”

_You are from my timeline-_ “The varying timelines you-” _causes a difference in Katra-_ “express similar traits but not-” _you are mine._ “you are not mine.”

“Makes perfect sense.” He grumbled under his breath. The constant 'mine' 'not mine' was getting on his nerves. “Okay now, Prof shut up, Spock you go.”

_You are from my timeline, and any alteration to a universe causes a difference in Katra. Although you are in that timeline and virtually the same person, you are mine._

Jim rolled his eyes. Trust in the middle of a coffee break that he’d suddenly have a bondmate of the guy he promised not to be in love with. Also that he’s in a different universe.

“I ain’t no one’s.” He muttered.

_Jim-_

He tried his hardest to ignore whatever Spock said, blocking out the source of the voice: the hum in the back of his mind. It went quiet after a moment.

“You are his.” Jim glared at the Spock in front of him. The vulcan backtracked. “Not in a manner that he owns you. You are his bondmate. As he is yours.”

“I don’t belong to anyone.” He insisted. “I don’t care if he bonded with me or if he’s in love with me, I’m my own damn person and he doesn’t own me.” He'd spent his entire life just wishing he could be his own. There was always someone, though. 

“Jim-”

“Fuck off.” He brushed past Spock and sped past all the other pedestrians before disappearing into a crowded main street in San Francisco.

_Jim, please, let me talk to you._ A breathless and desperate message from his apparent fucking bondmate begged.

“I told him, I’ll tell you too, Spock. I’m not yours.” His headache got worse by the second and he aimed his direction towards the university. “Fuck off, I’ll talk to you when I’m good and ready.”

_We need to get you back to our time._

“Why?” A man talking into his phone glanced at Jim, who felt embarrassed but inspired. He dug into his pocket and brought his own phone to his ear so he didn’t look insane. “Why the hell do I need to go back to a time when all that horrible shit happened with Nero?”

_Your place is here._

“I’ve been able to find a place anywhere.”

_Your family is in this timeline. Your friends. Your bondmate. You have a world here you cannot simply leave behind._

“Don’t you say a fuckin’ word about my family, Spock. My family is mine, and if I wanna leave it that’s up to me. My friends are all here. Alive, might I add.” Jim paused. “And you...I don’t need a bondmate. I don’t need anyone. You can break the bond without me, right?”

_Yes I can, but Jim-_

“Break it.”

_We have to talk about what being T’hy’la means-_

“I don’t care, Spock, break the fucking bond.”

_No._

“That’s a direct order from your Captain.” Three or four people standing around him, he had made it to the entrance of the academy without noticing, startled when he shouted.

_If you are going to abandon your crew, you are not my Captain._

“Fuck you, Spock.” He breathed.

_You are only angry at me because what I said is true. You commit to being a good captain, it was your dream when you were at the academy, was it not? Yet you abandon them the first chance you get for a better life. What if I went down the hall and told Sulu, who lost a leg in the explosion by the way, that you have decided the counterpart where he did not sacrifice so much for the Federation is better than he is? Should I tell my father, who lost his wife, that you’re ‘comfortable’ where you are? Should I tell Captain Pike-_

“Spock! Stop!” Jim rushed through the courtyard, ignoring people calling for him, and ran up into his dorm. He burst through his door and thanked God Bones had class. Then he screamed at Spock after throwing his phone on his bed. “You aren’t allowed to do this! You think you can just guilt me into somehow finding a way to get back to a fucking _alternate universe_.”

_I am reminding you of what you have to fight for._

“I don’t need...” Jim’s chest grew heavy as the faces of his crew flashed in front of him. His voice got quiet and desperate as he began to cry. “I don’t need to be reminded. I’m sorry, I know I’ll fight to get home. I just wish I could be this guy again. You know what I did today? I went to a damn coffee shop.” He stuttered out a watery chuckle, “I can’t be this person back home."

_You will find peace, Jim. We are relatively safe as of now. All our efforts are on getting you home._

“Starfleet knows I’m gone?”

_No, but Captain Pike does. He is overseeing the crew and utilizing the technology on the Vulcan starship to run calculations on the black hole. We have been doing them as much as we can._

“How are the Vulcans cooperating?”

_It is logical to retrieve the man who gave them more time to get off planet. They understand the needs of keeping your disappearance from Starfleet from the time being, too, so it should not be a problem._

Jim winced as he realized Spock actually believed he saved people on Vulcan. He did nothing. All his energy depleted, so he pulled off his uniform and curled under his blankets in boxers and a soft t-shirt. The day had started out alright, but it wasn’t ending up that way. He glanced at the clock on the wall. It was only eleven in the morning. “Shit.”

_What is wrong?_

“It’s still early in the day. I have stuff to do.”

_Like what?_

“Pack.” Motivation to get out of bed plummeted until he was curling deeper into them. “I’m going to Vulcan tonight.”

_Oh_.

Jim sat in silence with the presence of Spock in the back of his mind for a moment before he realized. “Fuck, Spock, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that, I’m sorry.”

_Will you collect samples?_

“What?”

_Vulcan is gone from our universe forever. We have no trace of the planets except for what is in the folds of the survivors robes and what is on other planets. You would be doing the Vulcan race a great service if you could gather different sand, rock, animal fur, and plant samples._

“Of course, Spock. We have to stay a couple nights, so when we get there and settled in I’ll go out and you can tell me everything I need to get.”

_The word gratitude does not begin to express what the Vulcan race will feel to you._

“Feel? Those nerds? Nah.” Jim smiled.

_We are not as emotionless as everyone thinks._

“Believe me, I know. You’re a huge sap with a quick temper, I can only imagine what your peers hide behind your robot shells.”

_I am not a ‘huge sap’ and my temper is almost completely under control._

“You’re a GIANT sap, Spock.” Jim laughed. “I know you get touchy when I compare you to this Spock, but you’re virtually the same dudes. The two of us talked for hours last night, and you’re a sap for your mama, and your dad. You practically became a poet about the sun on Vulcan.”

_I am not a sap. If the Spock that resides in the timeline you are in is, that is not a reflection on my character._  He insisted. Jim just rolled his eyes.

“Whatever you say, man.”

_Jim._

“Spock.”

_My mother is alive in the universe you’re in._

Jim didn’t correct him on how it wasn’t _actually_ his mom.

“Yeah, Spock, she is.” He remained quiet. “I’ll tell her you love her, okay?”

_She has a son to tell her that._

“I’ll tell her.” Jim whispered the last part.

_You should tell her everything. She would believe it._

“Whatever you want.”

_Thank you._

“Spock?”

_Jim._ He scoffed.

“Copycat.” He muttered before asking his question. “Can I talk to you in my head like you talk to me.”

_Yes._

“Well...will you do it?” Jim requested when Spock didn’t say anything.

_It is amusing to listen to you try and focus on two conversations._

“Fuck you, Spock,” Jim snorted, “I have only had one conversation and it’s already driven me to wanting to murder you. Both of you.”

_Simply turn your thought towards the feeling of the bond. If you do not feel it, then I cannot help, but as I assume you are not psi-null given you can speak to me with the bond out loud, I find it unlikely you can’t feel the bond._

“The fuzzy pressure in the back of my head.”

_Yes. Now focus on it, and send your thoughts to it._

Jim focused. And focused. And focused some more.

_Why would you tell me ‘Bananas are awesome.’?_

**_I did it! I can do it! It was a test message. And it worked!_** Jim beamed. Now he didn’t have to look like a crazy person screaming into the air.

_This is much louder than you talking to me._

**_Is it? You should talk out loud so I can see what you mean._ **

“This was how you sounded before.” Spock’s voice was strange, like he was speaking from outside a wall.

**_It’s muffled. Do you want me to talk to you again? Or is this better?_ **

_This is much better._

**_Is this how all Vulcan bonds are? Because I used to wonder how you guys fell in love with each other. All the stoicism and the super formal speech patterns. It didn’t look very gooey._ **

_Vulcan children are bonded at the age of seven. Love is not what makes a marriage. It is also an emotion of which we do not feel_.

**_You’re bonded already? You guys don’t love?_** Jim panicked a bit, trying to scramble at an entire culture and history of a race via mind communication.

_My Bonded, T’Pring, asked to break our bond when we were nineteen so she could bond with a classmate of ours. Stonn._ Spock paused. _Emotions are illogical._

**_I hear you there._** Jim remembered his vow to himself in the coffee shop. This bond, this situation, it didn’t take away from that. Falling for anyone would be stupid of him.

_You are one of the most emotional people I have ever encountered._

**_But love. Love I can get behind never feeling._ **

_Has someone scorned you in the past?_ On Earth, that would be a sarcastic question, but Jim figured Spock was being sincere about it.

**_Nope. I just don’t do ‘love’. It’s a shitty emotion, it’s never done anything but destroy people. There’s family, which yeah you love but they suck ass most of the time. Then there’s friends, who you love but will eventually ditch you. People you fuck shouldn’t become people you love. All that does is give yourself a weakness._ **

_You feel very strongly about this matter._

**_Yeah, well, I’m right. Vulcans are one of the most peaceful races in the world. All because they put logic in the front and their feelings out of the equation._ **

_I do not have evidence to go against your claim of why love is unnecessary, but you are wrong._

**_Love is bullshit._ **

_Love is what sets races like yours and mine apart._

**_I think it’s the ears._ **

_Jim._

**_Spock, we’re not anything._** He sighed as he realized he was going to have to ‘break up’ with Spock. **_Right now we’re bondmates, but that isn’t what we’re going to be. I’m going to find a way home and we’re gonna break the bond. Because this? It’ll ruin the both of us and I’m not dragging you through that._**

_Why are you so insistent that we break a bond you do not even understand?_

**_Because bonds are for marriage! Bonds are for two people who LOVE each other that come together and say I want you in my fucking mind. I don’t give a shit if we’re T’hy’la. I don’t even know what it means, and it doesn’t matter. All that matters is getting my brain to myself and yours to yourself._ **

_My bonds broke not only to my mother and extended families, but to that of an entire race. I have a mind too much to myself._ Jim exhaled as he imagined the pain Spock must have gone through when that planet disappeared.

**_Spock, I’m sorry, but-_ **

_Furthermore, you have no respect._  Jim grew cold as anger from an unfamiliar source spread through his mind. _You have no respect for the ways my people bind ourselves together, you have no respect for what I need, you have no respect for T’hy’la, and you have no respect for yourself._

**_Then why would you want me?_ **

_Because we_ are _T’hy’la even if you do not know what that means. If you never learn, that does not make us any less T’hy’la._

**_Then tell me._ ** Jim burst.  **_Tell me what is fucking going on._   
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment on how much this new twist has either pissed you off or delighted your needs for a change in the game!


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